Tag: relationships

The Relational Trinity

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

The Relational Trinity is a framework for understanding the three relational realms we inhabit: Leader, Peer, and Follower. Harmony in relationships isn’t about choosing one role; it’s about aligning the realms to create emotional safety and clarity.

1. The Three Relational Realms

  • The Leader Realm (Direction & Structure): Focused on vision, decision-making, and guidance.
    • Examples: Parents, CEOs, mentors.
    • Core need: To provide boundaries and safety.
  • The Peer Realm (Collaboration & Equality): The realm of “we,” where no one is above or below.
    • Examples: Friends, siblings, co-workers.
    • Core need: Shared experience and mutual respect.
  • The Follower Realm (Trust & Teachability): The willingness to be guided and open to growth.
    • Examples: Students, mentees, employees.
    • Core need: Receptivity and humble execution.

2. The Source of Conflict: Misalignment

Tension usually arises from realm confusion rather than personality clashes.

  • Competing Realms: Both people try to lead at once, causing power struggles.
  • Misread Cues: One person seeks a Peer (empathy), but the other responds as a Leader (logic/solutions).
  • The Marriage Exception: Marriage is unique because it requires fluid movement through all three realms daily—leading in finances, following in care, and operating as peers in leisure.

3. Modifiers: Why We Have a “Bent”

Our preference for a specific realm is shaped by upbringing, trauma, personality, and experience. These “modifiers” create our default setting (our “Bent”). Recognizing your bent helps you understand why some roles feel effortless while others feel draining.

4. Path to Relational Harmony

To improve your interactions, practice awareness through these three questions:

  1. What is my “Bent”? Do I naturally default to taking charge (Leader) or deferring (Follower)?
  2. Am I misreading the room? Does this moment require me to guide, to listen as an equal, or to trust someone else’s expertise?
  3. How do my “Modifiers” interfere? Does ego prevent me from following? Does fear prevent me from leading?

The Bottom Line: When we align our realms—matching a Leader with a Follower or a Peer with a Peer—relationships feel like a dance. Understanding these dynamics provides the language to navigate conflict with intention.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:3-4 (CSB)

Built To Be People Centered

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

The Clues Are in Our Instincts

Watch what happens when you connect with someone.

You don’t calculate a smile when you meet someone new—you just smile. You don’t plan laughter when a friend tells a great joke—it spills out. You don’t need instructions to hug your family—you lean in. These gestures aren’t taught. They’re instinctive.

And instincts reveal design.

They point to something profound about how we’re wired: we were built to be people-centered. Connection isn’t optional or learned later—it’s embedded. While modern culture nudges us toward self-focus and accumulation, the satisfaction it promises fades quickly. Compare that to the lasting lift you feel when you encourage someone or make another person’s day better. One disappears. The other compounds.

Zig Ziglar said it best: “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” That’s not hype—it’s how life actually works.

Blessing Others Changes Us

Humans thrive when we lift others. Our mood improves. Our stress decreases. Our sense of purpose expands. Even our physical health responds positively to acts of kindness.

Service realigns us. Anxiety loosens. Gratitude grows. Joy shows up—not because we chased it, but because we stopped staring at ourselves long enough to serve someone else. Trust and opportunity tend to follow the same pattern, finding people who consistently add value.

Self-Care Fuels Other-Care

Being people-centered doesn’t mean neglecting yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Taking care of your body, finances, mental health, and spiritual life increases your capacity to bless others with consistency and generosity. Self-care isn’t the destination—it’s the fuel.

We were built to give, and Scripture reminds us why:

“Do not neglect to do what is good and to share, for God is pleased with such sacrifices.”
— Hebrews 13:16 (CSB)

Care for yourself wisely.
Bless others generously.
Joy tends to follow.