When One Door Closes

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

They say when one door closes, another opens — but it rarely feels that way in the moment. Losing a job, a relationship, or a long-held dream can leave us questioning everything. But over time, one truth always proves itself: God confirms His word, every time.

I experienced this firsthand. I was once out of work for eight months with no opportunity on the horizon. While the break gave me time to rest and reset, the way things ended was painful. I had only been trying to support my co-workers, yet things unfolded in a way I never expected. It didn’t make sense at the time.

Around then, I read a story in Million Dollar Habits by Robert Ringer about a lawyer who lost his practice after being accused of dishonesty. He was devastated — until he was later acquitted and discovered his true passion as an entrepreneur. Ironically, the “closed door” he had dreaded became the very push he needed to pursue his life’s work.

The Bible gives us a similar example in Genesis 39. Joseph, once trusted with everything in Potiphar’s house, was accused falsely and thrown into prison. From the outside, it looked like the end. But God used those very circumstances to align Joseph with new people and a greater purpose — leading him to Pharaoh’s palace and a position of immense influence.

My own story ended in a similar way. What began as a season of disappointment became a new direction. That unexpected pause pushed me to follow my calling to help others improve their financial wellness. Today, that business is growing, and I’ve begun building relationships with clients who share that same vision.

When God closes a door, it’s not rejection — it’s redirection. And often, it’s the first step toward something bigger, better, and more aligned with the purpose He planted in your heart.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” — Romans 8:28

Burn the Boats

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In my freshman year of college, I took a communications class. I had written a persuasive paper and was sure I’d earned an A. When I got it back with a B, I stared at the grade and debated whether to ask the professor, “What gives with the B?” Eventually, I worked up the courage and asked, “Why did I get a B on this paper?” He said, “You gave too many choices.” That line has stuck with me ever since.

The phrase “burn the boats” is often traced back to Hernán Cortés in 1519. After landing in what is now Mexico, he ordered his ships destroyed so his men couldn’t sail back if things got difficult. By removing the option of retreating, he left them with only two outcomes: win or die. You can debate the history and the ethics, but the principle is clear—when you have too many escape hatches, your commitment gets soft.

Most of us don’t face life‑or‑death battles, but we do face decisions about what we will finish. Is there something you’d like to accomplish—or rather need to accomplish? A health goal, a key project, a conversation you’ve been avoiding, a business target. One of the most powerful things you can do is remove the extra choices that make quitting easy.

You already know what distracts you. Maybe it is a co‑worker who pulls you into drama, a friend or family member who doesn’t respect your time, a thought pattern you indulge, the show you always “just put on,” the mood you let dictate your effort, or the fear you keep feeding. Those are your boats. Those are your easy exits.

Instead, decide what “winning” looks like and make it non‑negotiable. Set small milestones so progress feels visible. Put real boundaries around distractions—mute the thread, block off the time, change the environment, say the uncomfortable “no.” When you do, your attention sharpens because the option to drift is gone.

We are in the middle of the Winter Olympics right now. Athletes train for years for a chance to win at one race, one routine, one run. They aren’t guaranteed to win, but they act as if the possibility of standing on that podium is worth every sacrifice. They burn a lot of boats most people keep.

You may not be chasing a gold medal, but you do have a podium of your own: the finished book, the debt paid off, the weight lost, the business launched, the relationship repaired. Decide what matters, remove the extra choices, and commit. Burn your boats—then go win your gold.

Verse for Reflection

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.
– 1 Corinthians 9:24 NASB

The Beauty of the Process

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I don’t know about you, but I can be impatient at times. When I’m working toward something important, I often find myself wanting results before the process has had time to do its work. That impatience usually leads to frustration—and every time, I’m reminded that this is a mistake.

Before we can enjoy a delicious cake, we must give the ingredients time to bake. Before we can eat the fruit from a tree, we must first plant and nurture the seed—then wait as it germinates, grows, and finally bears fruit. Even before we can hold the golden egg, the goose must take time to lay it.

Everything worthwhile requires time. Food, automobiles, homes, and inventions all take a process far longer than ten seconds before they reach our hands. Yet in our age of instant gratification, we forget this basic truth: impatience can short-circuit progress.

Just as no chef can rush the oven without ruining the recipe, we can’t rush the growth phases in our own lives. Before I can handle the weight of larger projects, I must first endure the learning curves of smaller ones. Before I can lead with wisdom, I must first walk through seasons that test and refine my character.

The time it takes to reach a finished product always depends on its size or complexity. Masterpieces, whether they’re careers, relationships, or personal calling require layers of formation that only time can reveal. No wonder patience is called a virtue.

So instead of sabotaging the process with frustration, let’s rejoice in it. Because when the work is finally complete, the outcome will be far greater than we imagined. The waiting is not wasted. It’s preparation.

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” — James 1:4 (NIV)

Change Gears

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In the action-packed sequel The Family Plan 2, Dan Morgan—the reformed assassin formerly known as Sean McCaffrey—takes his family to London for a surprise Christmas visit with his daughter, Nina. The festive spirit quickly evaporates when Dan’s past catches up to him in the form of his long-lost half-brother, Finn Clarke.

In one high-stakes sequence, the family finds themselves in a desperate escape. Dan’s son, Kyle, is thrust into the driver’s seat of a manual transmission vehicle. As the villains close in, Kyle realizes he’s floorboarding the gas, but the car isn’t gaining ground; it’s just screaming in high RPMs. His mother, Jessica, realizes the problem immediately. She coaches him through the mechanics of the stick shift, shouting for him to change gears. The moment he shifts, the tension releases, the tires grip, and the family rockets to a higher speed.

The Danger of the High RPM

Do you ever find yourself “redlining” in your own life? We often get caught in a maniacal focus on a specific goal or, conversely, we find ourselves stuck in a comfortable but stagnant rut. In both scenarios, we are technically “moving,” but we aren’t advancing.

If you stay in first gear while trying to maintain highway speeds, two things happen:

  1. You burn out: The engine (your mind and body) cannot sustain that level of friction forever.
  2. You lose effectiveness: You’re working harder than ever, yet you’ve hit a ceiling of momentum.

Finding Your Clutch

Unless you are willing to depress the clutch—to momentarily disengage from the “drive” of your daily grind—you cannot shift to a more effective pace. Shifting gears isn’t about stopping; it’s about adjusting your engagement with the world to achieve a better result with less mechanical strain.

For me, changing gears looks like stepping away from the screen for a walk, getting lost in a movie, or the quiet solitude of reading and creative writing. Lately, I’ve been reminded that while some “refreshers” might seem elaborate or time-consuming in the moment, they are necessary for the long game. The “pause” of the shift is what allows for the “power” of the next gear.

What’s your means of changing gears? Are you willing to step off the gas long enough to find a higher speed?

Verse for Reflection

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.”
— Psalm 23:2-3

The Quiet Work of Transformation

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I’ve been working on my own transformation with more intention this year. Not the loud, dramatic kind—the kind that announces itself with fireworks and declarations—but the quieter, more honest kind. The kind that asks you to sit with yourself, confront your patterns, and choose differently even when the old ways feel easier.

And I’ll tell you the truth: change is hard. Not because we’re weak, but because we’re human.

Still, I’ve been leaning on a few voices that have helped me navigate the terrain with more clarity and courage.

Tony Robbins: Three Lenses That Reshape Reality

Tony Robbins offers a simple but profound framework—one that refuses to let us hide behind exaggeration or despair.

  • See the situation as it is, not worse than it is.
  • See the situation better than it is.
  • Make it the way you see it.

These three steps form a bridge—from honesty, to hope, to execution.

Chip and Dan Heath: The Anatomy of Change

In Switch, Chip and Dan Heath describe change as a three‑part negotiation between different parts of ourselves:

  • The logical side that wants clarity and direction.
  • The emotional side that wants meaning and motivation.
  • And the path itself, which must be simplified into the next small, doable step.

If any one of these is neglected, change stalls. If all three are aligned, change accelerates.

Where This Meets You

Maybe this resonates with you. Maybe you’re in your own season of becoming—stretching, shedding, reimagining. Or maybe you’re already standing in a place you once only dreamed of. If so, I celebrate that with you.

Either way, transformation is not a solitary pursuit. Someone you know is hungry for change, quietly wrestling with the same questions you’ve conquered or are currently confronting.

If this message speaks to you, pass it on. You never know whose life might shift because you shared a spark of insight at the right moment.

Transformation is possible.
Not easy.
Not instant.
But possible—and worth every step.

A Scriptural Anchor

“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” —Philippians 1:6

This verse reminds us that transformation is a divine partnership. What begins in faith is sustained by grace—and God finishes what He starts.

Certain of Uncertainty

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If you’ve watched a basketball game, you’ve seen how two clocks quietly guide everything on the court. There’s the game clock, steadily counting down the whole contest, and the shot clock, measuring those short bursts of time where a decision must be made. One keeps moving no matter what. The other can pause, reset, or be adjusted based on what’s happening in the moment.

Life is not all that different.

From the moment you were born, your game clock started. You did not set it, and you cannot see how much time is left on it. Inside that unseen span are your shot clocks—the seasons, opportunities, crises, and assignments that call for your focus right now: a conversation you’ve been avoiding, a dream you’ve delayed, a change you know you need to make. These are your possessions, your chances to do something with the time in front of you.

If you are honest, you have probably lived at times as if your game clock will run forever. Most people do. We quietly assume, “I’ll get serious about that later. I’ve still got time.” But youth does not guarantee a long life. Health does not guarantee another decade. Success does not guarantee another tomorrow. Whether or not you pay attention to it, your time is still ticking down. Ignoring the clock does not stop it. This is not meant to scare you; it is meant to wake you. The uncertainty of when the game ends is what makes how you live so important.

Think of the players who make the most impact. They do not wait until the last few seconds to start playing with urgency. They value every possession. Your life invites you to do the same. That person on your heart today? Reach out. That idea that has lingered in your mind for years? Take one small step toward it. That habit that keeps holding you back? Choose to respond differently today, even if only by one small choice. You cannot control how long your game clock will run, but you do have a say in how you use your shot clocks. The goal is not to frantically do more; the goal is to live more awake.

Scripture speaks directly into this reality:

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”
— Ephesians 5:15–16

One day, your game clock will hit zero. The buzzer will sound, and your time on this side of eternity will be complete. On that day, the question will not be, “How much time did I get?” but, “What did I do with the time I was given?” Consider this a gentle huddle in the middle of the game. You still have time on the clock, or you would not be here.

Take the shot you have been hesitating to take.
Say the words you have been too proud or too afraid to say.
Begin the change you have been postponing for “someday.”

You do not know how many possessions you have left—but you do have this one. Use it well.

“Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts.”
— Psalm 90:12 (CSB)

Remember You

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There’s a moment in every person’s life when they realize the biggest obstacle they’ve been fighting isn’t the world, the economy, their upbringing, or even the people around them. It’s the quiet, persistent lie they’ve been telling themselves for years.

And the wild part is this:
You can believe that lie so deeply, so fiercely, that you repeat the same mistake again and again—almost on autopilot. You defend it. You justify it. You wrap it in excuses and call it “just who I am.”

But pause for a second.
Ask yourself something bold and honest:

What exactly are you afraid of losing if you let that belief go?

Because beneath the fear, there’s a truth you already know:
Releasing that belief would make you better. Stronger. Lighter. More aligned with the person you’re trying to become.

So why hold on?

The Lie Feels Familiar—But Familiar Isn’t Freedom

We cling to limiting beliefs because they feel safe. Predictable. They give us a script to follow, even if it’s a script that keeps us small.

But familiarity is not the same as fulfillment.
Comfort is not the same as calling.

Every time you repeat that old story—
“I’m not good enough.”
“I always mess things up.”
“This is just how life is for me.”
“I can’t change.”

—you reinforce a version of yourself that no longer fits the life you’re trying to build.

Letting Go Isn’t Loss—It’s Liberation

Think about what you gain when you release the belief that’s been holding you hostage:

  • Clarity about who you really are
  • Courage to pursue what you’ve been avoiding
  • Confidence to step into new opportunities
  • Capacity to grow into the person your goals require

What you gain is far greater than anything you fear losing.

And the truth is, you’re not losing anything real.
You’re only losing the illusion that kept you from rising.

Remember Your Goals. Remember Your Dreams. Remember You.

Your goals weren’t given to the version of you who hides behind excuses.
Your dreams weren’t designed for the version of you who clings to old stories.
Your future isn’t waiting for the person you’ve been—it’s waiting for the person you’re becoming.

So today, choose to remember yourself.

Remember the you who once believed more was possible.
Remember the you who dared to imagine a bigger life.
Remember the you who refuses to settle for the lie any longer.

Change isn’t the enemy.
Change is the doorway.

And you’re standing right in front of it.

Step through.

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
– John 8:32 (CSB)

Don’t Miss the View

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

Think about a trip you’ve been dreaming about for years—one of those journeys you’ve imagined down to the smallest detail. You’ve pictured the hotel, the food, the sounds of the streets, the colors of the markets. You’ve researched the culture, the hidden gems, the must‑try dishes. You’ve packed and repacked your luggage, making sure nothing essential is left behind.

By the time you reach the airport, you’re buzzing with anticipation. You arrive early, not because you have to, but because excitement won’t let you sit still at home. The flight is smooth, the service is excellent, and everything feels like confirmation that this trip was meant for you.

Then the plane lands. It taxis toward the terminal. Your heart beats a little faster. The doors open, and you step into the air of the destination you’ve been longing to experience. You inhale deeply… and suddenly you cover your eyes.

Your family and friends stare at you. “What are you doing? Don’t you want to see this new place?”

And you answer, “No… I’m too scared.”

Of course, they’d pull your hands away. They’d insist you look. They’d remind you that this is the moment you’ve been waiting for.

But isn’t this exactly what many of us do when change finally arrives? We dream, plan, hope, and pray for something new—yet when the door opens, we hesitate. We shield ourselves from the very thing we said we wanted.

Change Is the Destination You Manifested

Whether we realize it or not, change is often the arrival of the very things we’ve been manifesting. Our thoughts, beliefs, and desires shape our direction long before our feet ever move. What we focus on—positive or negative—eventually materializes in our lives.

So if the change in front of you doesn’t excite you, it may be worth asking: Have I been manifesting something uninspiring? Have my thoughts been aligned with what I want—or what I fear?

Your current reality is a reflection of what you’ve been rehearsing internally. And the beautiful part is that you can shift that rehearsal at any moment.

Focus Forward, Not Backward

Today, choose to focus on something you want—not what you don’t want. That single shift is a step toward it. Then stay consistent. Stay persistent. Keep moving in the direction of the life you’ve envisioned.

Because here’s the truth: To receive what you’ve been asking for, you must become the person who can hold it. Growth is not punishment—it’s preparation.

Don’t Fight the Change. Welcome It.

Change is not the enemy. It’s the doorway. It’s the jet bridge leading you into the world you’ve been imagining.

You don’t know what adventure, newness, fulfillment, joy, peace, or pleasure is waiting on the other side. But you’ll never find out if you keep your hands over your eyes.

So when life opens the door, step through it with courage. Look around. Take it in. Let the newness greet you.

Your destination is here. Don’t miss the view.

Reflect

“Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” – Isaiah 43:19 (CSB)

The Identity Beneath the Behavior

On By Jon ONeil1 Comment

The way we define ourselves isn’t just a personal philosophy—it’s a blueprint that dictates our entire life’s output. If your self-concept is built on sand, your success will always feel like it’s sinking.

To go deeper, we can look to the teachings of T. Harv Eker, who argues that our internal “programming” is the invisible force behind our external reality.

The Invisible Blueprint: Who Is Running Your Life?

We often think our results come from our hard work alone. But Eker teaches a fundamental formula:

P → T → F → A = R

  • P (Programming): Leads to your…
  • T (Thoughts): Which lead to your…
  • F (Feelings): Which lead to your…
  • A (Actions): Which lead to your…
  • R (Results)

If you derive your sense of self from accomplishment, your programming might be set to a “High Achiever” frequency. While this drives results, Eker warns that if your motivation for success comes from a non-supportive root—like fear, anger, or the need to prove yourself—your accomplishments will never actually bring you peace. You are simply a “success” trying to fill a hole that only self-worth can plug.

1. The “Thermostat” of Self-Worth

Eker uses the analogy of a financial thermostat. If your self-concept is set to “I am a $50,000-a-year person,” and you suddenly make $100,000, you will likely find a way to “self-sabotage” back to your comfort zone.

The same applies to our identity. If you don’t believe you are worthy of respect or love without an achievement attached to it, you will subconsciously create conflict or stress to bring your reality back in line with your low internal “worth” setting.

2. When Identities Clash

When you interact with people who derive their identity from money or status, while you derive yours from achievement, you aren’t just speaking different languages—you’re operating on different “Wealth Files.”

Eker points out that “Rich people admire other rich and successful people,” whereas those with a scarcity mindset often resent success in others. If you find yourself in conflict with others, ask: “Am I reacting to them, or is my ‘programming’ being threatened by their ‘programming’?”

3. Rewiring the Self

To move forward, Eker suggests we must “observe” our thoughts rather than “be” our thoughts.

  • Awareness: Notice when you feel your worth is slipping because a goal wasn’t met.
  • Disassociation: Realize that this “need to achieve” is just a program you learned—it isn’t you.
  • Declaration: Re-anchor your identity in your innate value. As Eker says, “No amount of money can ever make you good enough… because you are already enough.”

Reflection

True mastery is being “bigger than your problems.” When your sense of self is grounded in your ability to handle whatever comes, rather than the specific outcome of the day, you become unstoppable.

“For in Him we live, and move, and have our being.” — Acts 17:28

The Relational Trinity

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The Relational Trinity is a framework for understanding the three relational realms we inhabit: Leader, Peer, and Follower. Harmony in relationships isn’t about choosing one role; it’s about aligning the realms to create emotional safety and clarity.

1. The Three Relational Realms

  • The Leader Realm (Direction & Structure): Focused on vision, decision-making, and guidance.
    • Examples: Parents, CEOs, mentors.
    • Core need: To provide boundaries and safety.
  • The Peer Realm (Collaboration & Equality): The realm of “we,” where no one is above or below.
    • Examples: Friends, siblings, co-workers.
    • Core need: Shared experience and mutual respect.
  • The Follower Realm (Trust & Teachability): The willingness to be guided and open to growth.
    • Examples: Students, mentees, employees.
    • Core need: Receptivity and humble execution.

2. The Source of Conflict: Misalignment

Tension usually arises from realm confusion rather than personality clashes.

  • Competing Realms: Both people try to lead at once, causing power struggles.
  • Misread Cues: One person seeks a Peer (empathy), but the other responds as a Leader (logic/solutions).
  • The Marriage Exception: Marriage is unique because it requires fluid movement through all three realms daily—leading in finances, following in care, and operating as peers in leisure.

3. Modifiers: Why We Have a “Bent”

Our preference for a specific realm is shaped by upbringing, trauma, personality, and experience. These “modifiers” create our default setting (our “Bent”). Recognizing your bent helps you understand why some roles feel effortless while others feel draining.

4. Path to Relational Harmony

To improve your interactions, practice awareness through these three questions:

  1. What is my “Bent”? Do I naturally default to taking charge (Leader) or deferring (Follower)?
  2. Am I misreading the room? Does this moment require me to guide, to listen as an equal, or to trust someone else’s expertise?
  3. How do my “Modifiers” interfere? Does ego prevent me from following? Does fear prevent me from leading?

The Bottom Line: When we align our realms—matching a Leader with a Follower or a Peer with a Peer—relationships feel like a dance. Understanding these dynamics provides the language to navigate conflict with intention.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:3-4 (CSB)