Don’t Miss the View

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

Think about a trip you’ve been dreaming about for years—one of those journeys you’ve imagined down to the smallest detail. You’ve pictured the hotel, the food, the sounds of the streets, the colors of the markets. You’ve researched the culture, the hidden gems, the must‑try dishes. You’ve packed and repacked your luggage, making sure nothing essential is left behind.

By the time you reach the airport, you’re buzzing with anticipation. You arrive early, not because you have to, but because excitement won’t let you sit still at home. The flight is smooth, the service is excellent, and everything feels like confirmation that this trip was meant for you.

Then the plane lands. It taxis toward the terminal. Your heart beats a little faster. The doors open, and you step into the air of the destination you’ve been longing to experience. You inhale deeply… and suddenly you cover your eyes.

Your family and friends stare at you. “What are you doing? Don’t you want to see this new place?”

And you answer, “No… I’m too scared.”

Of course, they’d pull your hands away. They’d insist you look. They’d remind you that this is the moment you’ve been waiting for.

But isn’t this exactly what many of us do when change finally arrives? We dream, plan, hope, and pray for something new—yet when the door opens, we hesitate. We shield ourselves from the very thing we said we wanted.

Change Is the Destination You Manifested

Whether we realize it or not, change is often the arrival of the very things we’ve been manifesting. Our thoughts, beliefs, and desires shape our direction long before our feet ever move. What we focus on—positive or negative—eventually materializes in our lives.

So if the change in front of you doesn’t excite you, it may be worth asking: Have I been manifesting something uninspiring? Have my thoughts been aligned with what I want—or what I fear?

Your current reality is a reflection of what you’ve been rehearsing internally. And the beautiful part is that you can shift that rehearsal at any moment.

Focus Forward, Not Backward

Today, choose to focus on something you want—not what you don’t want. That single shift is a step toward it. Then stay consistent. Stay persistent. Keep moving in the direction of the life you’ve envisioned.

Because here’s the truth: To receive what you’ve been asking for, you must become the person who can hold it. Growth is not punishment—it’s preparation.

Don’t Fight the Change. Welcome It.

Change is not the enemy. It’s the doorway. It’s the jet bridge leading you into the world you’ve been imagining.

You don’t know what adventure, newness, fulfillment, joy, peace, or pleasure is waiting on the other side. But you’ll never find out if you keep your hands over your eyes.

So when life opens the door, step through it with courage. Look around. Take it in. Let the newness greet you.

Your destination is here. Don’t miss the view.

Reflect

“Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” – Isaiah 43:19 (CSB)

The Identity Beneath the Behavior

On By Jon ONeil1 Comment

The way we define ourselves isn’t just a personal philosophy—it’s a blueprint that dictates our entire life’s output. If your self-concept is built on sand, your success will always feel like it’s sinking.

To go deeper, we can look to the teachings of T. Harv Eker, who argues that our internal “programming” is the invisible force behind our external reality.

The Invisible Blueprint: Who Is Running Your Life?

We often think our results come from our hard work alone. But Eker teaches a fundamental formula:

P → T → F → A = R

  • P (Programming): Leads to your…
  • T (Thoughts): Which lead to your…
  • F (Feelings): Which lead to your…
  • A (Actions): Which lead to your…
  • R (Results)

If you derive your sense of self from accomplishment, your programming might be set to a “High Achiever” frequency. While this drives results, Eker warns that if your motivation for success comes from a non-supportive root—like fear, anger, or the need to prove yourself—your accomplishments will never actually bring you peace. You are simply a “success” trying to fill a hole that only self-worth can plug.

1. The “Thermostat” of Self-Worth

Eker uses the analogy of a financial thermostat. If your self-concept is set to “I am a $50,000-a-year person,” and you suddenly make $100,000, you will likely find a way to “self-sabotage” back to your comfort zone.

The same applies to our identity. If you don’t believe you are worthy of respect or love without an achievement attached to it, you will subconsciously create conflict or stress to bring your reality back in line with your low internal “worth” setting.

2. When Identities Clash

When you interact with people who derive their identity from money or status, while you derive yours from achievement, you aren’t just speaking different languages—you’re operating on different “Wealth Files.”

Eker points out that “Rich people admire other rich and successful people,” whereas those with a scarcity mindset often resent success in others. If you find yourself in conflict with others, ask: “Am I reacting to them, or is my ‘programming’ being threatened by their ‘programming’?”

3. Rewiring the Self

To move forward, Eker suggests we must “observe” our thoughts rather than “be” our thoughts.

  • Awareness: Notice when you feel your worth is slipping because a goal wasn’t met.
  • Disassociation: Realize that this “need to achieve” is just a program you learned—it isn’t you.
  • Declaration: Re-anchor your identity in your innate value. As Eker says, “No amount of money can ever make you good enough… because you are already enough.”

Reflection

True mastery is being “bigger than your problems.” When your sense of self is grounded in your ability to handle whatever comes, rather than the specific outcome of the day, you become unstoppable.

“For in Him we live, and move, and have our being.” — Acts 17:28

The Relational Trinity

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

The Relational Trinity is a framework for understanding the three relational realms we inhabit: Leader, Peer, and Follower. Harmony in relationships isn’t about choosing one role; it’s about aligning the realms to create emotional safety and clarity.

1. The Three Relational Realms

  • The Leader Realm (Direction & Structure): Focused on vision, decision-making, and guidance.
    • Examples: Parents, CEOs, mentors.
    • Core need: To provide boundaries and safety.
  • The Peer Realm (Collaboration & Equality): The realm of “we,” where no one is above or below.
    • Examples: Friends, siblings, co-workers.
    • Core need: Shared experience and mutual respect.
  • The Follower Realm (Trust & Teachability): The willingness to be guided and open to growth.
    • Examples: Students, mentees, employees.
    • Core need: Receptivity and humble execution.

2. The Source of Conflict: Misalignment

Tension usually arises from realm confusion rather than personality clashes.

  • Competing Realms: Both people try to lead at once, causing power struggles.
  • Misread Cues: One person seeks a Peer (empathy), but the other responds as a Leader (logic/solutions).
  • The Marriage Exception: Marriage is unique because it requires fluid movement through all three realms daily—leading in finances, following in care, and operating as peers in leisure.

3. Modifiers: Why We Have a “Bent”

Our preference for a specific realm is shaped by upbringing, trauma, personality, and experience. These “modifiers” create our default setting (our “Bent”). Recognizing your bent helps you understand why some roles feel effortless while others feel draining.

4. Path to Relational Harmony

To improve your interactions, practice awareness through these three questions:

  1. What is my “Bent”? Do I naturally default to taking charge (Leader) or deferring (Follower)?
  2. Am I misreading the room? Does this moment require me to guide, to listen as an equal, or to trust someone else’s expertise?
  3. How do my “Modifiers” interfere? Does ego prevent me from following? Does fear prevent me from leading?

The Bottom Line: When we align our realms—matching a Leader with a Follower or a Peer with a Peer—relationships feel like a dance. Understanding these dynamics provides the language to navigate conflict with intention.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:3-4 (CSB)

BELIEFS

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

Every life is driven by something. Motivation and discipline get the credit, but beneath your habits, decisions, relationships, and direction lies something deeper:

Your beliefs.

A thought is harmless until you adopt it as true. Once you do, it becomes a belief—and beliefs quietly shape the quality and trajectory of your life.

Belief Drives Behavior

Consider a publishing lesson.

J.K. Rowling’s first book launched in the U.K. as Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. When preparing it for the U.S., publishers believed American kids would find “philosopher” dull or academic. So they changed one word:

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

Same story. Same magic. Different belief.

The result? Explosive success in the U.S.

Nothing changed but perception—and perception drove action.

We don’t act on what’s true.
We act on what we believe is true.

Belief Can Reshape History

Belief doesn’t just guide individuals—it moves nations.

In 1967, during the buildup to the Six-Day War, Egypt believed Israel was preparing to attack. Israel believed Egypt was mobilizing to strike first. Neither side had full confirmation. Both acted on belief.

Israel launched a preemptive strike. War followed. The region was reshaped—not by verified facts, but by perceived intent.

Belief can preserve peace or ignite conflict.

Belief Organizes Life

There’s an old song that says:

I believe God,
I believe God,
I believe God just as He said.

What you believe about God organizes everything else—your spiritual posture, mental framework, emotional responses, relationships, and decisions.

The same is true socially. Your beliefs about leadership, loyalty, communication, and trust shape how you show up at home, at work, and in your community. Two people can experience the same event and walk away with different conclusions—not because of the event, but because of the beliefs they brought with them.

Why We Hold On to Beliefs

We don’t cling to beliefs because they’re true. We cling to them because they’re familiar—or useful.

Whether we change often depends on:

  • who is asking us to change
  • how much we trust them
  • whether we believe the change is worth the cost

Advice from Jeff Bezos lands differently than advice from a stranger. A request from someone you love carries more weight than one from a coworker.

Belief is relational. Emotional. Contextual.

Where Beliefs Come From

Beliefs are shaped by upbringing, environment, influencers, trauma, success, fear, goals, and perceived limitations. They don’t appear out of nowhere—they’re formed over time.

And that’s the good news.

Beliefs can be examined.
Beliefs can be challenged.
Beliefs can be upgraded.

Choose Belief on Purpose

If beliefs shape destiny, they deserve intention.

Ask yourself:

  • Does this belief expand me or limit me?
  • Did I choose it—or inherit it?
  • Who would I become if I believed better?

Your life will rise—or fall—to the level of your beliefs.

Choose wisely.

“As a person thinks within himself, so he is.”
— Proverbs 23:7, Christian Standard Bible (CSB)

Built To Be People Centered

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

The Clues Are in Our Instincts

Watch what happens when you connect with someone.

You don’t calculate a smile when you meet someone new—you just smile. You don’t plan laughter when a friend tells a great joke—it spills out. You don’t need instructions to hug your family—you lean in. These gestures aren’t taught. They’re instinctive.

And instincts reveal design.

They point to something profound about how we’re wired: we were built to be people-centered. Connection isn’t optional or learned later—it’s embedded. While modern culture nudges us toward self-focus and accumulation, the satisfaction it promises fades quickly. Compare that to the lasting lift you feel when you encourage someone or make another person’s day better. One disappears. The other compounds.

Zig Ziglar said it best: “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” That’s not hype—it’s how life actually works.

Blessing Others Changes Us

Humans thrive when we lift others. Our mood improves. Our stress decreases. Our sense of purpose expands. Even our physical health responds positively to acts of kindness.

Service realigns us. Anxiety loosens. Gratitude grows. Joy shows up—not because we chased it, but because we stopped staring at ourselves long enough to serve someone else. Trust and opportunity tend to follow the same pattern, finding people who consistently add value.

Self-Care Fuels Other-Care

Being people-centered doesn’t mean neglecting yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Taking care of your body, finances, mental health, and spiritual life increases your capacity to bless others with consistency and generosity. Self-care isn’t the destination—it’s the fuel.

We were built to give, and Scripture reminds us why:

“Do not neglect to do what is good and to share, for God is pleased with such sacrifices.”
— Hebrews 13:16 (CSB)

Care for yourself wisely.
Bless others generously.
Joy tends to follow.

Craft Your Legacy

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

What does leaving a legacy truly mean to you?

For the Rockefellers, it meant designing a system of wealth stewardship so strong it would empower generation after generation.

For the Kennedys, it meant embedding service into the family DNA—public leadership was expected, not optional.

For the Pharaohs of ancient Egypt, it meant assuming responsibility for an entire nation, believing their reign shaped both history and eternity.

The Echo Effect: Three Generations of Influence

When researchers study intergenerational outcomes, one truth becomes crystal clear: the habits, mindset, and intentional choices of one generation ripple through the next three or four.

  • Families who cultivate discipline, direction, and shared values consistently create children and grandchildren who rise to higher levels of education, income, leadership, and well-being.
  • Families who drift without intention tend to pass on instability, lack of structure, and scarcity thinking—patterns that reinforce themselves unless someone consciously breaks the cycle.

Your daily choices are not just about you. They echo. They transfer. They multiply. Whether for good or for harm, your legacy begins long before anyone writes your obituary. It begins today.

Blueprinting Success: Lessons from Dynasty Builders

Legacy is never an accident. It is engineered through decisions made when no one is watching. Here’s how two iconic families built their enduring influence:

💰 Rockefeller: Engineering Financial Permanence

The Rockefellers were pioneers in treating wealth as a resource to be managed, not merely spent.

  1. A Family Constitution: They created written agreements—values, expectations, conflict-resolution rules, and long-term financial principles—that every generation reviewed and reaffirmed.
  2. A Formal Family Office: They pioneered the modern family office model: centralized professionals managing investments, taxes, trusts, and education for the entire lineage.
  3. Intentional Wealth Education: Each child was taught budgeting, investing, philanthropy, and stewardship from an early age. Wealth was defined as a tool, not a trophy.

🏛️ Kennedy: Cultivating Service and Leadership

The Kennedy legacy is defined by a fierce commitment to public service and intellectual rigor.

  1. A Culture of Public Service: From Joseph Kennedy Sr. onward, the family instilled duty. Law, diplomacy, military service, and public office were seen as noble, expected paths.
  2. Education as a Non-Negotiable: Elite schooling, debating clubs, writing, and political study were core to the Kennedy upbringing. Excellence wasn’t hoped for; it was expected.
  3. Strategic Networking and Mentorship: The Kennedys built and maintained strong alliances in business, government, media, and diplomacy—creating opportunity pipelines that lasted decades.

Your Turn: The Decision Point

Your habits. Your character. Your discipline. Your vision. These are the seeds your children and grandchildren will harvest.

  • Today and tomorrow—choose wisely.

As the Proverb reminds us:

“A good person leaves an inheritance for his grandchildren…” — Proverbs 13:22 (CSB)

Silence Builds Walls

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

For most of my life, I’ve preferred to keep the waters smooth. If something bothered me, I often chose to let it pass rather than bring it up. It felt easier, safer, and more peaceful to keep certain things to myself.

My wife sees things differently. She’s comfortable addressing issues head-on. Not to create conflict, but because she believes honest conversations lead to understanding. Where I pull back, she leans in.

For a long time, this difference created a pattern: I would hold on to irritations or uncomfortable moments, convincing myself that silence was the best way to keep harmony. But over time I learned something important—unspoken frustrations don’t fade. They settle in the heart and grow heavier.

What I’ve discovered is that avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t create peace. It creates distance. And the very connection I’m trying to protect ends up strained by the things I avoid saying.

When I choose to speak up and share what’s troubling me, three consistent outcomes follow:

  1. Relief — I no longer carry the weight alone.
  2. Respect — My honesty invites her respect, not resistance.
  3. Resolution — Once something is spoken, it can be addressed, understood, or let go.

These moments remind me that honest communication isn’t about confrontation, it’s about care. It’s about giving the relationship an opportunity to grow stronger, rather than letting silence create gaps that neither of us intended.

I’m learning that sometimes the most loving thing I can do is to step into an uncomfortable conversation. Not to accuse, but to share. Not to argue, but to connect. Not to stir conflict, but to prevent resentment from taking root.

And in those moments, the peace I was trying to protect finally becomes real.

“Better an open reprimand than concealed love.”
— Proverbs 27:5 (CSB)

I Must Work

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

There’s a phrase that has echoed through generations: “I must pray like it depends on God and work like it depends on me.” It captures a profound truth—faith and action are not opposites, but partners. Prayer aligns our hearts with God’s will, but work is the vessel through which His blessings flow.

The critical part of this truth is simple: we must DO something. Faith without works is incomplete. God multiplies effort, but He cannot multiply idleness. The more we step forward, the more He can use us. The more we desire or are entrusted with, the more responsibility we carry to act.

Consider the widow in 1 Kings 17. She had only a handful of flour and a little oil, yet she gave all she had to bake bread for the prophet Elijah. Her offering was small in quantity but enormous in effort and faith. The result? She was blessed with an abundance of oil and flour that sustained her household through famine. Her work, though humble, became the channel for God’s miracle.

Or think of the parable of the talents in Matthew 25. The servants were not praised for simply holding onto what they were given. They were expected to use their talents, to multiply them, to work diligently. The one who buried his talent was rebuked, while those who invested and earned more were rewarded. Notice that those entrusted with more talents carried greater responsibility. God’s expectation scales with His blessings.

The lesson is clear: work is not optional—it is essential. Prayer opens the door, but work walks through it. Effort is the seed, and God provides the harvest. When we act, even in small ways, we invite God to magnify our labor into something far greater than we could imagine.

So let us embrace the call: I must work. Not out of striving for self-glory, but out of obedience, stewardship, and faith. For in our labor, God’s power is revealed.

Scripture to reflect on:

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” — Colossians 3:23

That’s Me

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

Imagine this moment: you walk into a dealership after weeks—maybe months—of imagining yourself behind the wheel of a certain car. You’ve seen it on the road more often lately, almost as if the universe is conspiring to place it in your path. You circle it slowly, inspecting the curves, the shine, the way the light bends across its surface. You open the door, step inside, and let your eyes wander across the interior with the same careful attention. Finally, you settle into the driver’s seat, hand resting on the wheel. And then, almost involuntarily, your mind and mouth agree on two words:

“That’s me.”

But pause here. Why those words? Why not simply, “This is the car I want”?

Because this car is more than a vehicle. It is a reflection. Its style, its color, its design—these are not just features. They are signals. They mirror your self-concept, your beliefs, your image, the person you want to communicate to the world. In choosing this car, you are not merely selecting transportation; you are declaring identity. You are saying to others, “This is who I am. This is how I want to be seen.”

The Intentional and the Unintentional

Here’s the deeper truth: in life, we are constantly saying “That’s me.” Sometimes intentionally—through choices like the car we drive, the clothes we wear, the words we speak. But often, unintentionally—through habits, attitudes, and behaviors we may not even notice.

Every action, every word, every silence communicates something. And while you may intend to project confidence, kindness, or integrity, others may see impatience, indifference, or inconsistency. The gap between intention and perception is where misalignment lives.

Why Feedback Matters

This is why feedback and accountability are not optional—they are essential. Just as a mirror helps you adjust your appearance before stepping out the door, feedback helps you adjust your actions before they become your reputation. Accountability ensures that what you intend to communicate is what others actually receive.

Without feedback, you risk living in a self-made illusion, believing your “That’s me” moments are aligned when in reality they may be sending a different message. With feedback, you gain clarity. With accountability, you gain alignment.

The Call to Action

So here’s the challenge:

  • Seek mirrors. Invite trusted voices to reflect back what they see in your words and deeds.
  • Listen deeply. Resist defensiveness; feedback is not an attack but a gift.
  • Adjust intentionally. Align your actions with your values so that when you say “That’s me,” it rings true both inside and outside.

The car in the dealership is a metaphor. Life is the real showroom. Every choice you make is a model on display. And when others look at your life, your words, your deeds, they too are asking: “Is that really you?”

Make sure the answer is yes.

“As he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” – Proverbs 23:7 (KJV)

No Muscle

On By Jon ONeilLeave a comment

“Just say no.”

It’s a phrase indelibly linked to public service campaigns—from Nancy Reagan’s stern warning against drug use to Michelle Obama’s encouragement to young people. It’s a simple, decisive command, and it aims at the big, life-altering decisions.

But I want to offer an insight: the true power of “no” isn’t reserved only for these momentous, life-or-death choices. Its most profound impact is felt in the daily, small decisions we face in our personal and professional lives. These are the choices we often dismiss as insignificant, yet they are the silent architects of our trajectory.

The Tyranny of the Small “Yes”

We are wired to be agreeable. To be team players. To be responsive—to texts, emails, requests for “just 15 minutes” of our time. We fear the awkward silence, the momentary disappointment, or the potential missed opportunity that a “no” might bring.

So, we say yes.

  • Yes, to the extra, non-essential task at work.
  • Yes, to the social engagement we dread.
  • Yes, to the distracting notification on our phone.
  • Yes, to the small detour that is miles off our personal road map.

Each “yes” on a small, non-essential item is a micro-withdrawal from our most precious accounts: time, energy, and focus. Individually, they feel harmless. But stacked up over weeks and months, these small “yeses” create a crushing weight. They dilute our effort, erode our momentum, and ultimately, can lead us down a catastrophic trajectory where we are busy but unproductive, exhausted but unfulfilled, and our brand—our identity and what we stand for—is blurred by a thousand compromises.

Your “No” Muscle: A Necessary Discipline

This is where the concept of the “No” Muscle comes in.

To say “no” when it truly matters—to a toxic influence, a professional over-commitment, or a habit that drains your soul—requires strength. And like any muscle, that strength must be developed through practice. If you haven’t built the discipline of declining the small, distracting, and non-essential things, you will have no strength—no muscle—to utter that decisive word when the stakes are high.

Practice makes stronger. Start today by recognizing that saying “no” to one thing is saying “yes” to another.

  • Saying no to an unnecessary meeting is saying yes to focused work.
  • Saying no to a distracting notification is saying yes to presence and clarity.
  • Saying no to a request that doesn’t align with your goals is saying yes to integrity and your own mission.

Build that muscle by starting small. Be selective about your time. Guard your energy as your most valuable asset. Recognize that your calendar is not a suggestion box; it is the ledger of your life, and you are the only one who can truly authorize the debits and credits.

The strength to say “no” is not rudeness; it is self-respect. It is not a denial of others; it is an affirmation of self. Start flexing that muscle today, and watch as your trajectory straightens, your energy reserves replenish, and your momentum becomes unstoppable.

A Word of Guidance

The internal discipline required to maintain a focused life is the true work of the heart. The Bible speaks to this vigilance:

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

(Proverbs 4:23, NIV)

This “guarding” is the active, continuous process of building your “No” Muscle—protecting the source of your thoughts, intentions, and actions from the countless small distractions that seek to drain its vitality.