In 2005, I met a beautiful woman—now my wife—and let’s just say our relationship had more fireworks than the Fourth of July. In hindsight, some of those early disagreements might have been red flags, but she completely captivated me. She was, and still is, a rare find. Like a treasure chest, she has revealed even more gems over our 16-plus years of marriage.

Truth be told, I was on a mission to get married. Like many, I imagined myself being the husband who makes his wife happy while simultaneously building an empire. You know, easy stuff. But, as it turns out, “happily ever after” is more like “happily, with occasional conflict after.” Take one evening years ago: after a long, exhausting day, all I wanted was to come home and collapse. Instead, I found myself in the middle of yet another disagreement.

The morning before that argument, I thought I’d offer a nice gesture to show my appreciation for her—I brought her flowers. Simple, right? Well, not so fast. Her response? She asked if the store had a return policy because the flowers didn’t match the dining room décor. Apparently, the bouquet’s green, yellow, and red clashed with our dining room’s green theme. Who knew?

Then on another day, a Saturday, I was eager to get us to a land sale at a lakeview development—a two-hour drive away. But we left later than I intended and by the time we arrived, all the prime plots were gone, leaving us with the leftovers. On the drive to church the next day, Sunday, I sat in silence, wondering if I was losing more than just time—it seemed like my health, money, and investment opportunities were taking a hit, too. Not to mention, my dreams of future heirs felt a bit shaky.

Then, it hit me—maybe all of this wasn’t meant to destroy me but to grow me. Perhaps marriage is less about bliss and more about refinement (and figuring out how to navigate floral arrangements). The truth is, playing the victim wasn’t helping either of us. If she wasn’t following my lead, maybe I wasn’t leading well. Marriage, as I’ve learned, isn’t just about happiness or wealth—it’s God’s way of shaping us into better versions of ourselves.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25, CSB).