Imagine you and your spouse seated next to each other. How many unknown seats are between both of you occupied by other versions of the both of you? There may be one dealing with past hurts, another one with persistent feelings of insecurity, another one carrying a sense of unworthiness of love and commitment as well as many others.

At some point you must decide not to allow any inappropriate version of you to come between you two. When you decide, you will face tough conversations about who you are and what you need from your spouse as support. You will choose to not act defensively when your spouse makes overtures toward you for love or connection that you may have requested in a different way – your way. You would choose to get professional help when you realize you are not conquering your demons on your own. You would admit your part in misunderstandings or causes of conflict without waiting for your spouse to do so. You may do any one of these or other courageous actions or multiple at the same time.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

(NASB, Ephesians 6:12)

Your spouse is not your enemy, but forces of darkness are. Strive to view him or her as your partner in life – as an ally instead of a foe. Together, both of you are better able to fulfil your purpose as a unit and individually.

Some days are better than others and the path in marriage is not always rosy. But it is critical to strive to maintain the right perspective of your spouse and your union. Also, remove the middle person or persons in between.

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!

(NIV Psalm 133:1)