Last weekend my wife and I attended a marriage retreat sponsored by our church and left with an even healthier union.  Couples ranged in wedding years from 0 to 42.5.  There was even a gift given to the longest married couple and you could imagine the woos and applause for the highest number.   

From the presentations we took away nuggets to keep our relationship oiled.  Here are three of them.  1. Assume your spouse has your best in mind.  Here is how that would look.  If he bolts through the door after a provoking day at work, still in attack mode, and answers you like you were the one who threatened to take credit for the work he did, do not take out a verbal machete.  Instead, pause, and ask sincerely, “What happened at work?”  Sir, maybe you went the extra mile for your wife this time and you were even proud of yourself.  But instead of a “thanks,” you get criticism about what you did not do or what you could have done better.  Do not bolt out of the room and slam the door.  Instead, pause, and listen to her concern. 

2. Forgive.  This can be a tall order at times because it seems like all you can think about is hurting the other person when they have hurt you.  We cannot help the way we feel but we can sure control what we say and do in response.  Brother, you would not intentionally hurt yourself and you ought to love your wife like our own body (Ephesians 5:28, 29, 33).  Sister, respect the man God blessed you with (Ephesians 5:33) and avoid criticizing him (Proverbs 21:19).

3. Get familiar with what is perceived as love and practice it.  Gary Chapman in The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lastsnoted five ways we can communicate love to our spouse.  They are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.  So imagine a birthday is around the corner and you decide to give the gift of a huge fanfare.  But your spouse may just want that Quality Time of just the two of you for a candle light dinner.  During the conference, one speaker said it took him 7 years to start practicing his wife’s love language.  This was way too long.

Why not communicate your love to your spouse today in a language they understand to be love.

 

I Still Do

I still smile when I look bak at a moment first rate

At the cute princess I perceived on our first date

Soon I knew our fate my treasure for the adoring

You see I called you through a prayer one morning

And today I still want you

I like the way you share with me your heart so true

And I see you still regard me as your knight too

After the years, to my vows I say, I still do